I am tempted everyday. It's a part of my nature.... my human nature. Before you criticize, judge or 'grade my fruits' (we've all heard that we can & should be fruit graders Matt. 7:16 and not judges) let me defend myself by asking you to peek at your own life. I'll wait......Here, use this: Romans 3:23.......::singing to myself:::......How about it? See any spots on the fruits in your life? Thought so. You're in good company! At least now we are speaking the same theology. Moving on....As much as I would like to get into a discussion of 'lesser sins vs. greater sins', I choose not to right now. Let's save it for another time. What I want to focus on is how to avoid the walk towards the 'temptation'. Better said, how we can recognize the signs and avoid setting ourselves up for a bad decision or 'giving-in' or succumbing to a temptation.
There are four recognized 'states of mind' that are especially poor times to make any, yes ANY, decisions. During these four "states" we are especially susceptible to be swayed in the wrong direction. If we are tempted during any of them, or a combination of them, we are almost sure to find ourselves with the proverbial deer-in-the-headlights-look. Some call it a 'weak moment'. We ALL want to blame 'inherited tendencies' or call it simply: a 'poor choice'? Come on! Don't sound so non-blameworthy; so guiltless. It's as if we aren't held accountable or even remotely culpable for our own actions.
To avoid being beaten by temptation, the first state of mind to avoid is: HUNGER. It's a known fact that when a person is physically hungry their blood sugar goes down, they are a little irritable (or a lot). We even tend to purchase more groceries when we are hungry. We want to satiate the hunger so we make quick, poor decisions just to fill a need.
ANGER is the second situation that tends to put us in a weakened state and through it, we are very prone to the Temptor's hand. Have you ever said things to a friend, neighbor or even a stranger that you regret? I like the text in James 1:26 that reads "If anyone among you thinks that he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one's religion is useless." NKJV. WOW! It's better to cool off before saying anything. Anger feeds the temptation. Recognize your emotions. Don't make decisions out of anger.
The third state of mind is LONELINESS. Recognize your lonely state of mind. Kingdoms have fallen, lives have been lost and certainly poor decisions have been made when we are in a lonely state. Keeping ourselves around friends of the same calling, understanding and faith, helps us not to be as lonely. Loneliness confuses the rational state of mind. Many people recognize their loneliness and try to defend themselves by finding 'dark dungeons' and imbibing in a beverage "that moveth aright in the glass" Proverbs 23:31. It's difficult to find God in dark taverns. He is there, but remembering to call His name while inebriated is the challenge.
Last, but certainly not least, is the state of being TIRED. Studies of sleep deprivation have proven that we aren't worth a hoot when we don't get our sleep. In fact, lack of sleep imitates being drunk. Decisions should NOT be made in a sleep deprived state. You will be more easily tempted when you are tired.
Jesus was severely tempted when He was hungry in the wilderness.
I believe the Temptor was in the temple closely following Jesus and encouraging Jesus' anger, however justified, to boil beyond the merchants in the temple. He contained His anger!
When Jesus was lonely he was severely tempted to give-up; asking for the "cup to be passed from Him". He remained prayerful!
When Jesus was tired and slept in the boat on the Sea of Galilee, He apparently recognized His need for rest. To control the winds of the sea and/or strife calls for a fresh mind. Jesus needed his rest and recognized when to lay down His weary head. Apparently controlling the elements is best done AFTER a deep sleep. Interesting example!
So, those are the four steps to help make better decisions when tempted. We are all tempted, but if you can remember the acronym H.A.L.T. and to pause for power (through Jesus Christ), you will be stronger.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
The Precarious Perch of 'Being Blessed'
While attending a local church service I was especially intrigued by the title the pastor had chosen for his sermon. It was "How God blesses you." It was a fairly innocuous title and it didn't really seem as if it was going to be as pithy or poignant as his usual sermons. I immediately thought, "this should be quick". After all, "Jesus loves you this I know for the Bible tells you so" (You know the rest). Accept this spiritual tenet and, pardon the diluted theology but, that is it in a nutshell! Hmmm.... thought I.....Why do we really need to know the "HOW"? Whether we understand the "HOW" or not doesn't seem to be of importance. What was particularly memorable was how much the sermon revealed of the pastor and of how it answered a long lingering question that I have harbored for quite some time: How do we measure "being blessed"?
During the sermon the pastor began to mention some of the members of the church and the businesses the members own, stating that God had blessed them. This piqued my interest because quite some time ago I had been interviewed by one of the mentioned business owners and I was offered a job. After accepting it, I discovered his prevaricating ways and consequently I elected to seek other gainful employment. I gave this incident considerable thought.
The pastor began to state some specifics and I grew more uncomfortable. The pastor said, "Mr.______ has been blessed by God and his business grows because of his Christianity and contribution to this church. You couldn't find a better man." Wow! what an advertisement from the pulpit to a captivated audience and/or congregation!
I believe in God's blessings and I am confident God will continue to bless many in every walk of life. However, therein lies the rub! I have a bit of trouble with one man's interpretation of "blessing" I am concerned that people will accept "pulpit words" as doctrine without ever thinking for themselves. In short, just because a pastor says a man is blessed doesn't necessarily make it truth. Our society is very cautious about dedicating its edifices, walls and streets to the living because people change and/or some socially unacceptable aspects of their life could suddenly be revealed! We wait until they are deceased and then we entomb any poor memories at the interments services.
The pastor continued and strongly alluded to the idea that monetary gain was a strong indicator of a blessing. It was, at that point, difficult for me to contain myself but I was successful. Please understand that I am not denying that God has the power to use whatever tool He wishes to use. He certainly affords wealth to whom he pleases. I believe He blesses us with money to point us in the right direction. My concern with the pastor pointing out wealth is that too often we don't couple it with money's true purpose: The advancement of God's word.
It's my personal study and Biblical finding that a monetary abundance is one of God's tools. In addition, whenever we read about the rich we also are reminded of the stark contrast of the monetarily bereft, the indigent, the downtrodden and "huddled masses". WHY?......To prove that the ground is level at the cross! Nobody can amass enough money or "things" to climb to a higher level. The wealthy are ALWAYS left with a sobering responsibility and choice and that is: Whom do I assist and how much do I contribute. In a word, stewardship. To God it doesn't matter how much you have in your coffer it matters how well you use what He has afforded you. When any pastor fails to state that the poor man is just as blessed by God, the pastor fails miserably.
As the pastor continued he began talking about the successes of some surrounding businesses. He began to name a few. Suddenly he decided to focus on a new business in town, one that he said could not be blessed. He gave its location and expressed his utter disdain against its existence. His voice peaked as he shouted: *"Do you think God can bless a porn shop!!!!?"
I have driven by that same store for the past five years or so. (Ironically it is on the way to church.) Apparently God CAN bless a porn shop. It seems it must be financially sound to have lasted that long. When I see the store I often think about the pastor's words and I was bothered by the pastor's myopic vision. How God chooses to work, use His money or His tools is God's business. God has a plan. It's not whether God CAN bless us or the shop that sells liberal material. He can because He is sovereign. In his omnipotence and omniscience he often does what we will never comprehend. There are many successful worldly people. Many choose to operate immoral businesses and are immoral people. Let God be the judge. Of course where you spend your God provided money, whether you are rich or poor, is a tool that you can use. Can God bless a porn shop? I say yes. Does He? Well, I guess I'll leave that up to God.
So, I ask you. Which was blessed? The lieing successful 'Christian' business owner or the 'successful' porn shop business owner? I submit that defining 'being blessed' is a precarious perch.
It was a great sermon. A bit more pithier than I expected. Perhaps even more than the pastor had intended, but I guess that's how God works:..... individually.
*"Can God bless a porn shop?"
This poignant comment that stuck in my head was spoken as an example from the pastor during his sermon topic. I offer this incident not to castigate the pastor but more as a warning that there is a stark contrast between spirituality and religiosity.
During the sermon the pastor began to mention some of the members of the church and the businesses the members own, stating that God had blessed them. This piqued my interest because quite some time ago I had been interviewed by one of the mentioned business owners and I was offered a job. After accepting it, I discovered his prevaricating ways and consequently I elected to seek other gainful employment. I gave this incident considerable thought.
The pastor began to state some specifics and I grew more uncomfortable. The pastor said, "Mr.______ has been blessed by God and his business grows because of his Christianity and contribution to this church. You couldn't find a better man." Wow! what an advertisement from the pulpit to a captivated audience and/or congregation!
I believe in God's blessings and I am confident God will continue to bless many in every walk of life. However, therein lies the rub! I have a bit of trouble with one man's interpretation of "blessing" I am concerned that people will accept "pulpit words" as doctrine without ever thinking for themselves. In short, just because a pastor says a man is blessed doesn't necessarily make it truth. Our society is very cautious about dedicating its edifices, walls and streets to the living because people change and/or some socially unacceptable aspects of their life could suddenly be revealed! We wait until they are deceased and then we entomb any poor memories at the interments services.
The pastor continued and strongly alluded to the idea that monetary gain was a strong indicator of a blessing. It was, at that point, difficult for me to contain myself but I was successful. Please understand that I am not denying that God has the power to use whatever tool He wishes to use. He certainly affords wealth to whom he pleases. I believe He blesses us with money to point us in the right direction. My concern with the pastor pointing out wealth is that too often we don't couple it with money's true purpose: The advancement of God's word.
It's my personal study and Biblical finding that a monetary abundance is one of God's tools. In addition, whenever we read about the rich we also are reminded of the stark contrast of the monetarily bereft, the indigent, the downtrodden and "huddled masses". WHY?......To prove that the ground is level at the cross! Nobody can amass enough money or "things" to climb to a higher level. The wealthy are ALWAYS left with a sobering responsibility and choice and that is: Whom do I assist and how much do I contribute. In a word, stewardship. To God it doesn't matter how much you have in your coffer it matters how well you use what He has afforded you. When any pastor fails to state that the poor man is just as blessed by God, the pastor fails miserably.
As the pastor continued he began talking about the successes of some surrounding businesses. He began to name a few. Suddenly he decided to focus on a new business in town, one that he said could not be blessed. He gave its location and expressed his utter disdain against its existence. His voice peaked as he shouted: *"Do you think God can bless a porn shop!!!!?"
I have driven by that same store for the past five years or so. (Ironically it is on the way to church.) Apparently God CAN bless a porn shop. It seems it must be financially sound to have lasted that long. When I see the store I often think about the pastor's words and I was bothered by the pastor's myopic vision. How God chooses to work, use His money or His tools is God's business. God has a plan. It's not whether God CAN bless us or the shop that sells liberal material. He can because He is sovereign. In his omnipotence and omniscience he often does what we will never comprehend. There are many successful worldly people. Many choose to operate immoral businesses and are immoral people. Let God be the judge. Of course where you spend your God provided money, whether you are rich or poor, is a tool that you can use. Can God bless a porn shop? I say yes. Does He? Well, I guess I'll leave that up to God.
So, I ask you. Which was blessed? The lieing successful 'Christian' business owner or the 'successful' porn shop business owner? I submit that defining 'being blessed' is a precarious perch.
It was a great sermon. A bit more pithier than I expected. Perhaps even more than the pastor had intended, but I guess that's how God works:..... individually.
*"Can God bless a porn shop?"
This poignant comment that stuck in my head was spoken as an example from the pastor during his sermon topic. I offer this incident not to castigate the pastor but more as a warning that there is a stark contrast between spirituality and religiosity.
Willy-Nilly vs. Nailed-Down!
I have ALWAYS found the Biblical account of the Ten Virgins and the Wedding Feast both very encouraging and deeply concerning. It's concerning because, ALL will sleep. It's encouraging because it tells me that EVERYONE has an equal opportunity, right up until the Bridegroom (Christ) arrives. Also encouraging is that it seems that nobody can corner the market on 'lamp oil' (which I understand to be the Holy Spirit). There is ample supply of oil for all!
The Ten Virgins and the Wedding Feast story reminds me of the story of the Thief on the Cross. Yes, I am aware that this is an odd comparison. You see, I am of the opinion that ALL Biblical stories have the same intent and storyline. The characters change and there's a twist with the antagonist and protagonist BUT the intent is the same. That intent is to penetrate our thick heads and save our souls! Follow me, as I explain.
I have heard some people express that it was unfair that the thief's 'deathbed confession' allowed him into the Kingdom of Heaven. I have to admit I find that thought process VERY disturbing. Do the proverbial 'they' feel the thief had a better life? Do 'they' feel the thief hadn't paid his proverbial dues? People who dislike the thief's deathbed confession forget the VERY challenging life he led. He literally missed a full life of blessed peace of mind, blessings seen and experienced and the comfort felt and of having friends of the same faith. There's more he missed but, to me, those mentioned blessings encompass a FULL lifetime of missed opportunity.
The same is said for the 5 virgins that were portrayed as less prepared. There was a surplus of oil but they CHOSE NOT to pack a little extra i.e. ask for a little extra H.S. blessing. Consider this: the thief on the cross COULD NOT step down and get more oil, and I've read that after a short while, even every breath is labor intensive! With that said, I imagine that the thief was BARELY able to speak. However, even though he missed a lifetime of blessings, he still made an effort! Fortunately, Jesus was right there beside him! Literally hanging RIGHT BESIDE HIM! I can't help but think that I should be so fortunate! THANK GOD!
Could it be that Christ (the groom) KNEW who would be at the wedding feast? After all, He invited EVERY one of the guests! Could it be that Christ knew who would be hanging beside Him at the cross? Aren't we taught that He would die for ONLY ONE soul. Didn't He also come to save that man (the thief) at that very moment?!
The Groom (and Bride) were ready; "even at the door" and yet the" less prepared" guests only THOUGHT they were not ready. I believe that just like a mass crowd mentality, they WERE prepared but NOT reeeeeally paying attention. Their paranoia sent them scrambling in the wrong direction!!!! It's easy to become so involved in a career, a hobby, a life that we fail to absorb the obvious signs. Just like a wedding feast, there is excitement in the air.... for a reason. The Wedding feast has begun AND YOU are invited! YOUR NAME is on the list! DON'T LEAVE THE WEDDING! We are ALL invited! Stay standing AT THE DOOR! The thief on the cross hung there FOR A REASON! He knew there was something different in this man called Jesus; this man hanging beside him. In hindsight: this was the BEST moment of the thief's ENTIRE life!
Christ will guide any one who desires to be at the wedding or perhaps realizes, on their deathbed, they made poor choices. The Ten Virgins had the same opportunity as the thief right up until the very end (or is it the beginning) of their lives! Don't RUN IN THE WRONG DIRECTION! Stay at the door! It seems that the thief was one of the fortunate ones by being literally nailed in place! He couldn't run around in a paranoid state, like the bridesmaids, seeking what he already had: Jesus was at the other side of the door! HE is right beside you as well. Do you have a challenge in your life? Just ask CHRIST! Jesus chose to hang on the cross. He planned to be there He did it for a thief, ALL sexual sins, a liar, a murderer (insert any 'sin' here) and he would have done it for JUST YOU, either on a deathbed or as a 'death-cross confession'!
We are living in an age of record breaking flooding, record piling snow storms and as I saw on the news just yesterday, (12/17/2010) literal thermometer-popping heatwaves. Now is NOT the time to run willy-nilly FROM the wedding feast. If there ever was a time to pray to be 'nailed down'; firm in your convictions, it is NOW! Pray for more oil but PLEASE DON'T leave the wedding! The banquet is just on the other side of the door! Don't whine that you are 'nailed in place'; or perhaps somewhere that YOU feel you shouldn't be. No matter where you are or what you have done, the groom has already said, "I do"... for you, and you and YOU! Don't run from the wedding. Pray!~PRAY
The Ten Virgins and the Wedding Feast story reminds me of the story of the Thief on the Cross. Yes, I am aware that this is an odd comparison. You see, I am of the opinion that ALL Biblical stories have the same intent and storyline. The characters change and there's a twist with the antagonist and protagonist BUT the intent is the same. That intent is to penetrate our thick heads and save our souls! Follow me, as I explain.
I have heard some people express that it was unfair that the thief's 'deathbed confession' allowed him into the Kingdom of Heaven. I have to admit I find that thought process VERY disturbing. Do the proverbial 'they' feel the thief had a better life? Do 'they' feel the thief hadn't paid his proverbial dues? People who dislike the thief's deathbed confession forget the VERY challenging life he led. He literally missed a full life of blessed peace of mind, blessings seen and experienced and the comfort felt and of having friends of the same faith. There's more he missed but, to me, those mentioned blessings encompass a FULL lifetime of missed opportunity.
The same is said for the 5 virgins that were portrayed as less prepared. There was a surplus of oil but they CHOSE NOT to pack a little extra i.e. ask for a little extra H.S. blessing. Consider this: the thief on the cross COULD NOT step down and get more oil, and I've read that after a short while, even every breath is labor intensive! With that said, I imagine that the thief was BARELY able to speak. However, even though he missed a lifetime of blessings, he still made an effort! Fortunately, Jesus was right there beside him! Literally hanging RIGHT BESIDE HIM! I can't help but think that I should be so fortunate! THANK GOD!
Could it be that Christ (the groom) KNEW who would be at the wedding feast? After all, He invited EVERY one of the guests! Could it be that Christ knew who would be hanging beside Him at the cross? Aren't we taught that He would die for ONLY ONE soul. Didn't He also come to save that man (the thief) at that very moment?!
The Groom (and Bride) were ready; "even at the door" and yet the" less prepared" guests only THOUGHT they were not ready. I believe that just like a mass crowd mentality, they WERE prepared but NOT reeeeeally paying attention. Their paranoia sent them scrambling in the wrong direction!!!! It's easy to become so involved in a career, a hobby, a life that we fail to absorb the obvious signs. Just like a wedding feast, there is excitement in the air.... for a reason. The Wedding feast has begun AND YOU are invited! YOUR NAME is on the list! DON'T LEAVE THE WEDDING! We are ALL invited! Stay standing AT THE DOOR! The thief on the cross hung there FOR A REASON! He knew there was something different in this man called Jesus; this man hanging beside him. In hindsight: this was the BEST moment of the thief's ENTIRE life!
Christ will guide any one who desires to be at the wedding or perhaps realizes, on their deathbed, they made poor choices. The Ten Virgins had the same opportunity as the thief right up until the very end (or is it the beginning) of their lives! Don't RUN IN THE WRONG DIRECTION! Stay at the door! It seems that the thief was one of the fortunate ones by being literally nailed in place! He couldn't run around in a paranoid state, like the bridesmaids, seeking what he already had: Jesus was at the other side of the door! HE is right beside you as well. Do you have a challenge in your life? Just ask CHRIST! Jesus chose to hang on the cross. He planned to be there He did it for a thief, ALL sexual sins, a liar, a murderer (insert any 'sin' here) and he would have done it for JUST YOU, either on a deathbed or as a 'death-cross confession'!
We are living in an age of record breaking flooding, record piling snow storms and as I saw on the news just yesterday, (12/17/2010) literal thermometer-popping heatwaves. Now is NOT the time to run willy-nilly FROM the wedding feast. If there ever was a time to pray to be 'nailed down'; firm in your convictions, it is NOW! Pray for more oil but PLEASE DON'T leave the wedding! The banquet is just on the other side of the door! Don't whine that you are 'nailed in place'; or perhaps somewhere that YOU feel you shouldn't be. No matter where you are or what you have done, the groom has already said, "I do"... for you, and you and YOU! Don't run from the wedding. Pray!~PRAY
Time, Distance and Memories
I can remember believing that my home town was the oddest spot on earth. Everything seemed to be breathing its last breath. The stores were old and tired, the town pool seemed to become more and more shallow, the faces too familiar and the places too predictable. My friends had grown and swapped their desire for a pick-up basketball game for pick-up trucks and girlfriends. Other friends exchanged scraped knees at the baseball diamond for bent-knee proposals and diamond rings at the altar. Friends were starting their lives, choosing partners and sharing moments. Greg started dating Judy. Becky was interested in Bobby. Janice was dating Bruce.
Although I understood their motivation, mine was a different force. All I could feel was a breeze at my back and the tug of adventure. It was gentle at first but soon the northern blasts of Maine raced around corners, screamed my name and pushed me south. I set my sails and drifted with the winds. I believed that if I didn't test the gales, I would live a life wondering of how it might have been. I'd face a life of floundering and disappointment. I feared I would never experience the world beyond the edges of the town limits. I wanted to get OUT of town im-med-ia-tely. I wanted to hit the road, kick up some dust, see new horizons and leave it all behind me.
The wind blew hard and long. Years later, I would hear Art Garfunkel's song: "My Little Town". I was amazed at the song's hook: "There's nothing but the dead and dieing in my little town". It seemed so appropriate.
I am older now and although I have never regretted the journey, I do have a few seaworthy experiences. Although I cherish each of them, there are some that I do deeply regret. Life's winds bring an abundance of opposites: rough seas and its reverse, calm oceans. There are screaming hurricanes and its opposite, silent, clear, moonlit nights. There are lost loves and to replace the loss, new loves. Sometimes we are ready and sometimes we are not. Oddly, it's the 'stormy days' and the 'lost loves' that often teach us the most poignant lessons. Maybe it's because the trauma makes them more memorable. I believe THAT is a lesson in itself: Emphasize the great times so the bad times won't have much of a foothold. Life's winds will always blow. Much to our surprise, we are often afforded second chances. Our job is to be reasonably ready when it becomes our turn.
I wish that I had returned more often to my odd little town. I wish that I had found some of my successes a bit earlier and closer to home. Perhaps, I could have helped my family develop a stronger family bond. One thing I have learned about leaving is the importance of returning. Building and keeping that connection to a 'home base' is healthy to all. It has a positive affect on everyone's mentality and their outlook on life."Setting your sails" into the wind is exciting and important......... for a brief while.
The world has changed in drastic ways since my days of bobbing up and down in the town pool, playing basketball and running around the baseball diamond. A person has so many options: careers, cars, churches, phones, friends, foods and entertainment. I am very thankful to have had the opportunity to experience life; to travel and see some of the world. I have been very blessed. I have often returned to my "odd little town". When I do, I meet the haunts of ghosts and memories of how things use to be. Greg broke-up with Judy then he married Becky. Janice moved to Georgia and then back home again. My friend Bobby found a soulful rest.
I have determined that you can ALWAYS return but it will NEVER be the same. It's not so much that IT has changed but more that YOU have changed. Time, distance and memories does that to a person. They have taught me that just because the wind blows, it doesn't mean that you have to "set your sails". Sometimes it's important to just sit and enjoy a good breeze now and then. After all, you never know what the wind might blow your way. For now I will enjoy my home, my yard and this little town. It's such an odd little town .
Although I understood their motivation, mine was a different force. All I could feel was a breeze at my back and the tug of adventure. It was gentle at first but soon the northern blasts of Maine raced around corners, screamed my name and pushed me south. I set my sails and drifted with the winds. I believed that if I didn't test the gales, I would live a life wondering of how it might have been. I'd face a life of floundering and disappointment. I feared I would never experience the world beyond the edges of the town limits. I wanted to get OUT of town im-med-ia-tely. I wanted to hit the road, kick up some dust, see new horizons and leave it all behind me.
The wind blew hard and long. Years later, I would hear Art Garfunkel's song: "My Little Town". I was amazed at the song's hook: "There's nothing but the dead and dieing in my little town". It seemed so appropriate.
I am older now and although I have never regretted the journey, I do have a few seaworthy experiences. Although I cherish each of them, there are some that I do deeply regret. Life's winds bring an abundance of opposites: rough seas and its reverse, calm oceans. There are screaming hurricanes and its opposite, silent, clear, moonlit nights. There are lost loves and to replace the loss, new loves. Sometimes we are ready and sometimes we are not. Oddly, it's the 'stormy days' and the 'lost loves' that often teach us the most poignant lessons. Maybe it's because the trauma makes them more memorable. I believe THAT is a lesson in itself: Emphasize the great times so the bad times won't have much of a foothold. Life's winds will always blow. Much to our surprise, we are often afforded second chances. Our job is to be reasonably ready when it becomes our turn.
I wish that I had returned more often to my odd little town. I wish that I had found some of my successes a bit earlier and closer to home. Perhaps, I could have helped my family develop a stronger family bond. One thing I have learned about leaving is the importance of returning. Building and keeping that connection to a 'home base' is healthy to all. It has a positive affect on everyone's mentality and their outlook on life."Setting your sails" into the wind is exciting and important......... for a brief while.
The world has changed in drastic ways since my days of bobbing up and down in the town pool, playing basketball and running around the baseball diamond. A person has so many options: careers, cars, churches, phones, friends, foods and entertainment. I am very thankful to have had the opportunity to experience life; to travel and see some of the world. I have been very blessed. I have often returned to my "odd little town". When I do, I meet the haunts of ghosts and memories of how things use to be. Greg broke-up with Judy then he married Becky. Janice moved to Georgia and then back home again. My friend Bobby found a soulful rest.
I have determined that you can ALWAYS return but it will NEVER be the same. It's not so much that IT has changed but more that YOU have changed. Time, distance and memories does that to a person. They have taught me that just because the wind blows, it doesn't mean that you have to "set your sails". Sometimes it's important to just sit and enjoy a good breeze now and then. After all, you never know what the wind might blow your way. For now I will enjoy my home, my yard and this little town. It's such an odd little town .
The Men I Never Knew
On October 4, 1959 my biological father and his dad, my grandfather, died in a horrific aviation accident. It happened one month before my third birthday. The event was a defining moment for the adults in our family in many respects, and a life altering moment for me.
The first irony to the story is that before departure, there was a brief conversation between my mom and him about whether I should travel with these two men. (Even now I have difficulty calling these strangers dad and grandpa.) Obviously, I didn't accompany them. The second irony is that this was suppose to be a short trip so they didn't take much baggage. They've been gone 50 years now and their absence created a lot of "baggage". Their goal was to fly from Michigan to Iowa and secure the court's permission to bring the first daughter from the first marriage to the new family. This would be my half-sister. Of course the accident on the return flight canceled those plans.
Life without a father offered seemingly insurmountable challenges, amazing growth, many moments of frozen fear, loneliness and, on a more positive note, an incredible emotional intelligence unattainable by any other means. A child learns to cope, to read emotion, sense feelings and, as is often the case when something is "lost", that child subconsciously seeks a father-figure to fill the void. I was fortunate that my other grandfather (maternal side) accepted the responsibility of being a part-time father figure. When I grew older, hunting, trapping, fishing and tracking were regular routines.
My maternal grandmother and grandfather were both very spiritual people. They would read the Bible and pray. He often whistled a song called "Heavenly Sunshine". She was always humming a hymn. When we stayed at their house he would always pray with me just before bedtime. He would always kneel. I would do anything to get out of bed, so I copied him. He asked me to pray and I always did and for some reason I always prayed aloud. He would kneel beside me and cup my hands in his. I would stay on my knees waiting for him to finish. He always prayed silently. It seemed like an eternity. I remember thinking that he and God must've had a lot to discuss! Occasionally, he would start to cry. It was a quiet, gentle weeping. I wouldn't have noticed except for the few tears that fell on my hands. I'll never forget grandpa's huge hands as they covered mine. I'll never forget his few silent tears.
My heavenly Father has always been with me. He has replaced the void. He has helped me face fears, loneliness, and been my connection. His large hands have covered and shielded my whole body many, many times. He cries for me. His tears wash my soul. I don't have to kneel because He kneels for me. I don't have to pray because he understands me . I do however, choose to kneel whenever I can and pray wherever I am, because I want to and I love Him. My heavenly Father whistles. I think His favorite song, like grandpas, is "Heavenly Sunshine."
That would be a great ending to a true story in my life and you probably should choose to stop reading and accept it. The rest however, gives some answers to grandpa's tears.
Decades later my mother revealed that grandpa wasn't always the spiritual man that I knew as a child. His life was quite empty. He chose to abuse his body with tobacco and especially alcohol. Alcohol changed his heart, set up residence, brought in furniture, hung pictures and occupied it with a long term lease. Eventually the alcohol controlled his better judgment and he sexually abused his only daughter, my mother. She said that one day, after she was an adult, he came to see her and through wet eyes and a pleading heart asked for forgiveness. The man I never knew was a new man in Christ, he was my father, my part-time dad, my GRAND father. Sometimes it's best NOT to know; to be protected from.... the truth.
I'm confident that it saddens God to see cars collide, and in my situation, planes to fall from the sky and family to abuse their own. It ALWAYS saddens me to hear of tragedy but it comforts me to know God has a plan. Dwelling on the drama won't change the past. Praying about it won't change it either. However, asking for divine guidance can change your perspective and help you cope in the present! Regardless of your past or MAYBE even your present, God is ALWAYS waiting with a better plan; a better one than you could ever possibly imagine. God forgives and changes hearts...... for a reason, even for the men I never knew.
The first irony to the story is that before departure, there was a brief conversation between my mom and him about whether I should travel with these two men. (Even now I have difficulty calling these strangers dad and grandpa.) Obviously, I didn't accompany them. The second irony is that this was suppose to be a short trip so they didn't take much baggage. They've been gone 50 years now and their absence created a lot of "baggage". Their goal was to fly from Michigan to Iowa and secure the court's permission to bring the first daughter from the first marriage to the new family. This would be my half-sister. Of course the accident on the return flight canceled those plans.
Life without a father offered seemingly insurmountable challenges, amazing growth, many moments of frozen fear, loneliness and, on a more positive note, an incredible emotional intelligence unattainable by any other means. A child learns to cope, to read emotion, sense feelings and, as is often the case when something is "lost", that child subconsciously seeks a father-figure to fill the void. I was fortunate that my other grandfather (maternal side) accepted the responsibility of being a part-time father figure. When I grew older, hunting, trapping, fishing and tracking were regular routines.
My maternal grandmother and grandfather were both very spiritual people. They would read the Bible and pray. He often whistled a song called "Heavenly Sunshine". She was always humming a hymn. When we stayed at their house he would always pray with me just before bedtime. He would always kneel. I would do anything to get out of bed, so I copied him. He asked me to pray and I always did and for some reason I always prayed aloud. He would kneel beside me and cup my hands in his. I would stay on my knees waiting for him to finish. He always prayed silently. It seemed like an eternity. I remember thinking that he and God must've had a lot to discuss! Occasionally, he would start to cry. It was a quiet, gentle weeping. I wouldn't have noticed except for the few tears that fell on my hands. I'll never forget grandpa's huge hands as they covered mine. I'll never forget his few silent tears.
My heavenly Father has always been with me. He has replaced the void. He has helped me face fears, loneliness, and been my connection. His large hands have covered and shielded my whole body many, many times. He cries for me. His tears wash my soul. I don't have to kneel because He kneels for me. I don't have to pray because he understands me . I do however, choose to kneel whenever I can and pray wherever I am, because I want to and I love Him. My heavenly Father whistles. I think His favorite song, like grandpas, is "Heavenly Sunshine."
That would be a great ending to a true story in my life and you probably should choose to stop reading and accept it. The rest however, gives some answers to grandpa's tears.
Decades later my mother revealed that grandpa wasn't always the spiritual man that I knew as a child. His life was quite empty. He chose to abuse his body with tobacco and especially alcohol. Alcohol changed his heart, set up residence, brought in furniture, hung pictures and occupied it with a long term lease. Eventually the alcohol controlled his better judgment and he sexually abused his only daughter, my mother. She said that one day, after she was an adult, he came to see her and through wet eyes and a pleading heart asked for forgiveness. The man I never knew was a new man in Christ, he was my father, my part-time dad, my GRAND father. Sometimes it's best NOT to know; to be protected from.... the truth.
I'm confident that it saddens God to see cars collide, and in my situation, planes to fall from the sky and family to abuse their own. It ALWAYS saddens me to hear of tragedy but it comforts me to know God has a plan. Dwelling on the drama won't change the past. Praying about it won't change it either. However, asking for divine guidance can change your perspective and help you cope in the present! Regardless of your past or MAYBE even your present, God is ALWAYS waiting with a better plan; a better one than you could ever possibly imagine. God forgives and changes hearts...... for a reason, even for the men I never knew.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)